Just Checking In

This week was a hard week. I am not sure how many times I have started this blog with that sentence or some sort of version of that sentence. I changed what I was going to write about in this blog at least 3 times this week. First I was going to write about being annoyed by ed tech bros who don't read LinkedIn posts carefully and think that any response to a post by a mutual about generative AI is an open invitation to be accosted about their cool new product that will make disabled life better "we promise." Then I was going to write about something tangentially connected to that which is how post-secondary eduspace has become a literal wasteland of folk elbowing each other in the ribs for the scraps of money that remain for workshops and webinars where folk are looking for quick approaches to inclusion (your free hint, it doesn't work like that).

Ultimately I decided to write about something much more important which is the power that someone contacting you and saying variations of "hi checking in" has on perspective. Today as I was thinking about how to frame the kinds of things I wanted to highlight here, over lunch while running an errand, I remembered that I had just finished a meeting where the person I was meeting with asked with care "are you taking care of yourself?" And of course my answer this week is no. I am not taking care of myself right now. I had no full lunch break all week this week (for different reasons each day varying from having to support family medical issues, to meetings, to literally buying groceries to eat later). I also have not been sleeping well (again for different reasons, worrying about the family medical issues, my neighbour's super fun spotlight that shines into my bedroom when anyone passes in front of the house, offering support to community, etc). 

I mention this because I know there are many people who can relate to this right now. Not enough time to eat, not resting well, not taking the time to reflect on ideas and feelings. This can be the reality of so many in midterm season in eduspace. All of us, students (undergrad and grad), faculty, staff, librarians, teaching assistants, and counsellors. Everyone is trying to do the best they can with the responsibilities they have. And these responsibilities they have extend far beyond the scope of eduspace, to familly, to friends, to work. And often post-secondary spaces do an excellent job forgetting that folk bring their whole selves to spaces and are whole humans. So it is not just the assignments that need to be graded, or the tests that need to be written, or the courses that need to be taught, or the hard hard conversations that need to be facilitated. It is finding energy to make something to eat, it is finding time to buy whatever food you can to make to eat. It is about trying to make the space to wind down and process after a hard week or a hard day. 

I am writing this on Friday because I know that one of the ways I can reclaim the care I need for my bodymind is to stay away from screens as much as possible this weekend. However, being able to stop enough to figure out what individual care can look like for each individual is also a bit of a privilege. Basically you need time to make time. You need time to make meaning. And when there are curricular pressures to cover certain topics or skills in a smaller amount of time, then sometimes that reflective time is the first to be replaced by something else. And when you add responsibilities to this, what ends up being replaced is the text messages to folk you care about that say "hi just checking in" or "I saw this random thing and I thought of you" or if you know the person likes a video call instead to give them 4 minutes of your time to connect.

This connection piece is hard. It is a give and take ideally where if you know that someone is going through a difficult time, the check ins can be more closely spaced (daily, every other day). And there is also an understanding that they would do this checking on you too if the roles reverse. But sometimes things become too much and you forget to do the checking. When I went for a walk around the neighbourhood after work I could not shake the feeling that I am probably forgetting to do something or call someone. Because that is what anxiety does, it creates more anxiety. If you are too busy putting out fires or supporting situations, it is easy to feel like there is always situations that you are forgetting to support. 

So what do we do about this? How can we support a collective deep breath? Here are a few things:

• If you are in someone's calendar to schedule a meeting and you see free space please do not schedule your meeting right up against a block that is ending in another's calendar if you can help it. Basically I would love to put an end to this hustle culture where there's no lunch and back-to-back meetings because folk don't have the grace to give others even 30 minutes between meetings with their scheduling practices
• Factor in time to either reflect on how a class went or to do something with the notes that you took in your meeting when you schedule a meeting. You will thank yourself when it comes teaching dossier time or having to follow up the next week.
• Have lunch, really. Like not at your desk in front of a screen, but like outside. And maybe if you don't want to have a food conversation with others just asking others "have you had a break today" is enough to remind folk that they should (thanks to the few people who reminded me of this this week).
• Remember that you cannot support others if you don't support yourself first. I know it is hard, look this whole post has shown you how much I am very bad at this, but we need to try to do this. It is so important; your bodymind and the folk you are responsible to and for will thank you. It is okay to tell someone "can we meet next week instead because I know I will not be giving my whole self to this thing if we meet today." We have to make sentences like this part of graceful interactions with others.  

There are so many other things we can do, but I guess I just want to generally remind people that they matter. And to remind others that other people are going through things. And to remind faculty that students are going through things. And to remind students that faculty go through things too. Basically there is a lot, and it is a lot, but you matter, so I am just checking in.