The Limits of Intentionality

This will probably be a shorter post this week because I fear my last post was too long for folk. This week I want to talk about what happens when being intentional and meaningful verges into feeling constricting. I will explain where this idea came from by sharing a story.

Two weekends ago new neighbours moved into the apartment downstairs. I will give the context that for my whole adult life after undergrad, I have been the person with neighbours living above me. This is the first time that the roles have changed and as someone with the lived experience of "wow that's loud" and who absolutely does not do well with loud noises, I did not want to be that person to the new neighbours. I have hard sole slippers, that are very comfortable and warm, and sturdy for someone with occasional mobility issues, that I stopped wearing because I didn't want to have my slippers clacking on their heads because it's not carpeted. I never had the TV louder than 10 before they moved in and I use captions mostly, so now the TV is never louder than 6 (which honestly it should just be muted at that point). 

I have been living with more intention and being mindful of my neighbours. This is also part of who I am; I care about how my actions, my words, could possibly impact others. I know some of you are probably saying you could have worn headphones- I have headphones, but also wearing headphones when you live alone, have no sense of smell, and have tinnitus is not great. One of the things I have been working on a lot in the last few months is taking the space I need and showing the same care and grace to myself as I would show to others. The other day I realized my feet were cold and that I missed my slippers. And of course the next thought I had is "honestly why are you doing this? You have slippers, wear your slippers." 

So this had me thinking about how there are certainly limits to intentionality and that intentionality is often felt more when it is reciprocal. We can feel this a lot when we are in educational spaces where you can tell that folk are being meaningful with the words they use and how others are not. Some of this is a need for awareness, or even different lived experience, but some of it is simply navigating the world without care. You can tell someone many times how certain words are harmful, or in different situations how not saying certain words are harmful, and yet folk will continue with those patterns. Being able to tell others the impact of the words (or lack of words) is also an important part of this reciprocal space.

When some instructors choose to have a community building document, like ethical communication guidelines, or a classroom contract (though that phrasing sounds a bit legalistic), learners have an opportunity to share what they feel is important when being meaningful about the words used and how folk communicate. It can help build community, and it can also give a place to refer back to when there may be microaggressions in the educational space. It can help demonstrate to others that you are trying and want to share space with them in a meaningful way.

And some folk are really appreciative of this opportunity- the ability to be mindful and meaningful. I am sure you can recognize how this particular thing can be applicable to many things that happen in our educational spaces daily,  it is not just about words, it is not just about sounds, it is not just about protecting the health of those around you.  

They are not overly loud neighbours, especially in relation to my across the street neighbours which is a whole other level of lack of mindfulness, but they do make the smoke detector go off a lot. So as I type this from the couch, in my socks, about to make some lunch in my socks, I will note that I still don't wear my slippers unless I know they are out of the house. But maybe when the winter comes this will change and I hope they will forgive a bit of clacking above their head every once in a while. As much as this is a reflection on building in intentionality and how there are limits, it is also very much about how accessibility is a shared responsibility, and I know I am probably not the only one who would take their slippers off.