Focus and Lack Thereof

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Blinking....Blinking

I want to write something about focus. I want to write something about losing mine and how for the last two weeks being able to meaningfully concentrate on a task, a piece of writing, or a thing I am reading has been almost impossible. I want to write about how I have hit the wall, I think I hit it about 2 months ago, but I keep hitting it again and again, daily.

I want to write about how folk have been talking about focus and lack thereof in different communities for years and people are reacting like this a new thing. 

I want to remind people of deaf folk speaking of concentration fatigue. I want to remind folk of great articles and resources written by folk in the ADHD community (you need to follow The ADHD Academic on Twitter)

I also want to point out that lack of focus also comes with instances of hyperfocus as well. I want to write about being forced into states of hypervigilance for almost a year and a half. I want to remind folk that some folk with PTSD navigate the world in hypervigilant states always not just during a pandemic.

I want to remind people that being tired is not a failure. I want to remind people who are administrators, I want to remind the institutions that we are a part of that we are tired and you are asking for toooo much from us and we will get sick, we will leave, we will die. 

I want to write something about focus. Not too long of a piece because I don't have focus for that. I want to write something about how our minds and bodies cannot be considered separately. 

I want to write something about how the culture of individualism means that folk are not realizing (or maybe realizing and just not caring) that their everyday decisions are affecting others in deep ways. Your choices have impacts even if that was not your intent. You are impacting other's health, you are impacting other's focus, you are impacting other's ability to be in this world in an equitable way. 

I want to write something about how a pedagogy of "back to normal" is a pedagogy of exclusion. 

I want us all to conjugate these together: I am tired, you are tired, they are tired, we are tired. I can't focus, you can't focus, they can't focus, we can't focus.

I want....so much....for everyone to reflect on this, but that requires focus that we don't have. And also know my wants don't matter, because the systems tell me so. So we focus on what we can, when we can, if we can. I hope...we don't lose focus on what matters: our health, our communities, our advocacy, tearing down inequitable systems, building pedagogies of trust and care. I hope...I want...pedagogical hope.