Embodied Memory and Trauma

 31 years ago on this day, I was in my kitchen in the house I grew up in when I heard what happened in Montreal. I still remember that moment and I still remember where I was standing exactly in the kitchen. It was a moment that really changed the course of what I wanted to study and what I wanted to do with my life. But it was also a moment of embodied memory that I would not realize for many years.

We often don’t think about how much these past events haunt our corporeality. It often takes one reminder, the smallest of tokens to bring all of that embodied memory back. Sometimes these embodied memories are good memories, like when you feel your grandmother's hand in yours after many months, and you remember instances in your childhood where that hand was a source of safety and comfort. However, sometimes that embodied memory can be a source of trauma. 

Today I spent the day rearranging a bookcase in my living room and working through 3 boxes worth of papers and binders that had not been touched since I moved into this unit (8 years ago, gasp). In those boxes were drafts of my dissertation, printed copies of the articles I used in my dissertation, and my defence binder which was the binder I used to prepare for my defence. I also came across all 7 pages of my 19th century comprehensive exam reading list. Running my hands over the blue defence binder with pictures that I specifically curated to support me at that time took me right back to that time to that place in another apartment, with my partner at the time, trying to prepare for the unknown. Just thinking of it now causes my heart to race and my breathing to accelerate. 

What we experience in our lives imprints on our bodies and whether we realize it or not it carries with us for years, for a lifetime. Events like December the 6th imprint on our collective memories but are also carried in our bodies and in our hearts. Today is a day to remember and to reflect on what those remembrances mean for us. What did we take from those moments? How did we make our society better because of what those moments mean to us? Sometimes the answers to these questions are easy- but sometimes we need to dig a bit for the answer.

 So today I remember the 14 we lost and say their names. Also I also remember what I did and continue to do because we lost them 31 years ago- how my work is framed in equity because of that moment. You should reflect too and honour the work you have done in their honour. 

If you are not from Canada and have no idea what happened on December 6 then please read this from the government of Canada and say their names. 

Geneviève Bergeron

Hélène Colgan

Nathalie Croteau

Barbara Daigneault

Anne-Marie Edward

Maud Haviernick

Maryse Laganière

Maryse Leclair

Anne-Marie Lemay

Sonia Pelletier

Michèle Richard

Annie St-Arneault

Annie Turcotte

Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz